Dead Silence
by Inaho
Summary: Kurama is musing over his relationship with Hiei. --- ah, more bad writing of my youth...


Author: Inaho  
Warning: Definate weirdness. OCC-ness? Some unintentional angst.  
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH. I tried to steal it, but Kurama got there first.  
Feedback: I'm not gonna beg. Either you get it, or you don't. Poo.

~ ~ ~

It shouldn't have surprised me.

He was a demon, after all. He needed to be free. Free to do whatever he pleased. And how could you get any more freedom than in Makai? Simple. You couldn't.

I can see my home every night I close my eyes. The towering trees, lush with leaves, a few rays peeking through the branches. The grass moist with morning dew, glistening like jewels. The cool dankness of the den smelling of fresh earth. I could almost feel the wind blowing through my hair, my tail playing in the breeze as I ran. The thrill of running and never having to stop, almost like I was flying. The thrill of being free.

My heart clenched from my reminiscing. It was no wonder Hiei left. It shouldn't have surprised me.

"But it did anyways."

I looked up to see him lounging on the edge of my bed, tail flicking lazily back and forth. I was so plain compared to him, with his luminous silver tresses. His golden eyes were amused, his smirk mocking.

"Well?"

I blinked. "Well what?"

A roll of eyes and twitch of ears, signs of annoyance. He always was obnoxious.

"You were trying to figure out why it surprised you when that little Fire demon left"

I lowered my gaze. That was right. Why had it bothered me?

"I guess I didn't think he'd leave that soon. It caught me off guard."

"Now, now, let's be truthful. It's only you here."

For a moment, I frowned at him. Even if he was me and I was him, he was still like another person. We differed that much.

"I thought...that we meant more to him."

He gave me a look.

"Fine. That _I_ meant more to him. Happy?"

He grinned, probably meant to be charming. It looked malevolent.

I slumped back into my chair. "I thought, that after all we've been through, that we would be friends. It seemed right. We always paired together in fights. He didn't seem to like having anyone else at his back. He talked more to me than anyone else. I'm probably the only one who knows Yukina's his sister. It seemed like we were friends."

He was silent, no longer thrumming with playful lithe. His eyes were serious, hard. What did my eyes look like to him? Sad? Soft? Pitiful?

He stood up abruptly, glaring down at me. I could feel the tension in his shoulders, the bristling in his fur.

"Wipe that disgusting look off your face."

I must not have done what he wanted, because he strode over to my window, looking away from me, anger written all over his features. We were like that for a few moments; me sitting, confused, and him standing, looking away, couldn't bear the sight of me. When he finally did turn my way, the fire was still burning in his eyes, and I knew his words would be harsh.

"You look like a dog who's been kicked. You're a sentimental fool, you know that?"

He walked over and planted his hands on the chair arms, leaning down until our faces were level and only inches apart. He wasn't done, and wouldn't let me go until I heard it all.

"He's a demon. You're a demon. You should know our ways. Be strong to survive. Do what you have to do. No sympathy for the dead. No emotions to make you slow. No ties to make you weak. You, and only you matter; anything else is obsolete and a hindrance, and hindrances are eliminated. Take the life of your opponents so you can live another day. Kill or be killed. That is our life, our law. And by Inari-sama, NEVER FORGET THAT."

I could feel a hot tear slide down my cheek. When did I start crying? I don't know. My whole body was numb, my brain in shock. But his words had hit dead on. I was blind not to see it before.

Hiei was a demon, a pure bred demon. He had no loyalties other than himself, and maybe Yukina, but no one knew about their relationship, so he was safe. . He needed to be strong to survive, and he focused only on becoming strong. He couldn't afford distractions, attachments. "Us" was not possible. We would never hang out, have tea, or watch movies together. We don't exchange presents on the holidays or on each other's birthday. I don't even know Hiei's birthday, if he even remembers himself.

We fight together, kill together, protect each other, but we aren't friends.

He leaned closer and licked away my tears. I flinched. He stood back, hands on his slim hips, smiling. It wasn't meant to be comforting. In some species, a smile stood for the same thing as snarling, right before they bit your face off.

"If it means that much to you, I can go convince him to come back."

That brought me back to the surface. I knew his ways of getting what he wanted.

"You will do no such thing."

I had stood up, but even then I was shorter than him. He gave me a thorough glance, then burst into laughter. It wasn't loud, but cold all the same. His mocking laughter continued to echo in my head, even as he faded away.

I found my way back into the chair, suddenly very tired. The numbness of shock was going away, but not the pain. My eyes were finally open to what I didn't want to see. And it hurt.

If there is pain, you know you're alive.

~ Owari ~

Author's Note: Oh, that was kinda depressing. I didn't mean it to be that way. It was kinda inspired by my friend, who some time ago, was telling me how Hiei and Kurama may not actually be that close. It got me thinking, so I tried to look at their relationship without any influences. Sadly, I'm starting to see what she means. Not that I don't like them together, but it's start to seem less real. 

And the thing with Kurama talking to himself and actually seeing his other self...that came up 'cause I wanted him to argue with himself. Having them be two seperate people kinda came from Yu-Gi-Oh (which is also not mine). I hope it worked well in this fic.

_::having just read over it again::_ Oh, it's not as good as I wanted. Poot. I was trying for more details, more feeling.

Elf #1: What? So it can be more depressing?

...maybe...kinda-ish...

Elf #2: _::gasp::_ She's agreeing with you!

Elf #1: It must be some evil scheme! Run!

_::fleeflee::_

-.-;;; 


End file.
